Once I realize that a client is a conscientious person, I often joke with them about coming for talk therapy, because, "good people" tend to be harder to help.
I go on to explain that people who try really hard to be good people often times have a very difficult time embracing their flaws. Therefore, if a problem arises in their life that relates to a blind spot or weakness in themselves, they panic and run away from it. They do this by various means, one of which is to go on and on about what they do right. I tell them that that’s all very true and very good news but if you don’t have anything wrong with you, I can’t help you. Sometimes, I explain further by asking them, “when you take your car in for repairs, do you explain to the mechanic how the tires are good, how she starts every time, and stops on a dime?” I go on asking if perhaps instead they only talk about what’s wrong with their car and nothing more. Of course, they confirm they only present to the mechanic what is wrong with their car. I go on to share that that is all I want to talk about too.
I do understand the benefits of identifying, validating and building on strengths. But I believe one of the best dispositions to have is a positive attitude about our faults. People say, “I hate that about myself!” I wonder, what good is that? Instead, I encourage myself and my client’s to “lighten up”. Do you really think you will ever be without some significant degree of fault? Make peace with your human condition and love your faults. Hate is not constructive; love is constructive. If you were to correct a child, would it be more effective to do it with hate or with love? So, why would it be any different for you or me?