Of course, the Familiar comforts us all, like when we see someone we know in an out-of-town airport. Even after a nice vacation it seems true that, “There’s no place like home”. Although we all want a promotion, often times when change comes along, a great deal of anxiety comes along with it. There are many good things about the familiar but the familiar can also pull on us like a magnet, an invisible force that can quell our ambition and snag creativity.
Sigmund Freud identified “resistance” as one of the greatest obstacles to productive psychotherapy. A humorous way to describe resistance is to explain how a patient comes into therapy for help and from that point on resists every suggestion. Change takes great courage, yet the familiar is usually not scary at all.
However, I would like you to consider that the familiar can be a very dangerous allure. The familiar tempts us with a very simple message, “Everything will be all right if you just don’t do anything differently.” This is also the mechanism of every known bad habit. Procrastination, rationalization, and intoxication, are all substitutes for action and change.
We often times call sticking with the familiar “playing it safe”, but many times it’s just the opposite. Consider a simple thought, “If you’re not changing then you’re not growing.” New ideas, a new look, a change in ideology all do usually attract a lot of criticism, which can be painful. However, complacency, dogma and routine have their own risks.
Where would we be if we didn’t explore and innovate or even mature and stand corrected? Everyday, I watch people struggle in couple’s therapy clinging to the same old behaviors that caused the marital discord in first place. One partner will often times say I just want us to go back to the way we were. I usually point out to them that if they do that they’ll be back to this point again soon. The familiar wouldn’t be such a powerful force or effective manipulator if it didn’t provide some true comfort and wisdom. However, be careful, because like every good lie has a grain of truth, the familiar may be predictable and secure but seduces us to hesitate when the time is right or when change is necessary and beautiful.